


The Weight Of All These Years

by spacewitchqueen (vixy)



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Andy | Andromache of Scythia Needs a Hug, Character Study, Gen, Headcanon, Meditation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:20:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28185297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vixy/pseuds/spacewitchqueen
Summary: “What do you know about the weight of all these years alone?”What would she know? But of course she knew. The weight of all these years. All these years alone. Years and years and years on end.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	The Weight Of All These Years

“What do you know about the weight of all these years alone?”

Those words were still with her even now, many months later. They were not directed at her but the sound of his voice still lingered. “Oh, Booker.” He should’ve known that she understood. She didn’t reproach him, not back then and certainly not now. It wasn’t her intention to belittle his suffering. What would she know? But of course she knew. The weight of all these years. All these years alone. Years and years and years on end.

And the real tragedy wasn’t forgetting, it was remembering every single detail, every day on her own, every lonely night. Her first death, her family, her name, her love. Being the fixed point around which everything else seemed to rise and fall.

How had it all begun? Who knew. Was it divinity’s will or some sort of sick cosmic joke? To this day Andy still wondered. She didn’t feel different when it happened, she couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment something changed within her. All she knew was that one day she should have died and she didn’t. And then it happened again and again until she realized the truth. She could not die.

She remained with her people until everyone she’d known had passed away, until there was no one left that she could call “her people” anymore. And from those very first years she realized what her condition —a blessing? A curse?— meant: she would never be known, she would outlive every single person she knew, she would experience loss over and over if she dared get attached to anyone.

It was enough to drive anyone mad. Andy almost went mad. Almost. What could be the purpose of her unusually long life? She was worshipped as a god but it didn’t feel right, what she could do for her devotees was akin to what any other person could do, she couldn’t bestow her supernatural gift on anyone or bring people back from death. She let her cult dissolve as her family had. Andy took to traveling then, and fighting, joining whichever army, whichever war she came across (and there was always one). And yes, she was fearless in the battlefield because well, she had nothing to fear but also because deep down she wondered if maybe she would find her end, if the enemy’s weapon would send her to her grave and keep her there this time around. No such luck, maybe next time.

Then the dreams started and Andy couldn’t believe it. Had reason finally abandoned her? She wanted to believe the woman in her dreams was real, wishing with all her heart this meant she was not alone. Andy craved the precious moments of sleep when she could see her. The dreams gave meaning to her days. Andy knew she had to find her, she had all the time in the world to look. Over a century she searched for her, and she got to know this woman and when she found her, Quynh, it was so much better than she could have imagined, no dream could ever compare.

In Quynh, Andy found a kindred spirit and everything she thought she wouldn’t deserve again. They became each other’s family, neither of them doubted they were meant to be together. And together they could brave anything, all the ages of the world. 

But even the most unchanging things could not remain. Quynh. Her love was taken from her. After it happened, Andy would walk right into the water and swim until she died of exposure, exhaustion, drowning over and over. And it would all have been worth it if she’d found Quynh. They’d promised each other eternal love. Andy kept her promise, and she knew that wherever she was, Quynh kept hers. One day she would find her again. One day.

Time went by and she kept looking, she kept trying to find Quynh. But it was hopeless. Eventually, Joe and Nicky had to drag her away, telling her that it was not her fault, that they would keep searching but for now they were needed somewhere else. And wasn’t that the thing? That they were always needed somewhere else. 

As the years turned into decades and then into centuries, no one dared to suggest that they couldn’t be sure if Quynh was still alive. Perhaps they even hoped she wasn’t, for her own sake. It didn’t matter. Andy knew, she just knew, like she’d known that Quynh was real from the moment she appeared in her dreams. She knew, even before they found Booker to confirm it. Whenever she could, Andy still knelt by the ocean willing it to talk to her, to reveal where Quynh was, to return her beloved.

Andy’s heart never quite healed. This, she didn’t tell anyone. Who could she tell? Who was there to understand the depth of her loss, of her despair? Yet, she hoped.

It was this faint slither of hope that kept her sane, it was the thing that made her keep going, that made her wake up, bear the burden one more day. One more year. One more lifetime. Find the strength to stay alive. 

But now? Things had changed, and again Andy wasn’t sure why. After six thousand years she could actually see the end, maybe she could rest, maybe she could give up now.

And then Quynh showed up at her door.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope this made sense, it was inspired by some Andy headcanons on tumblr (by cryharddanceharder)
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


End file.
